I am stuck – I need a change – but what?


What change do I make, I just can’t seem to motivate myself?

Where has the spark gone?

I’m still running 1 to 2 times a week ,and doing a HIIT workout but it’s clearly not enough. It’s like my body has just stopped burning calories at the rate it used to.

I’m super busy at work, and when I get home I’m either completely knackered, or outside moving dirt around, so I don’t want to do workouts at home – plus when I try, the freaken dog thinks its play time and jumps all over me. There is no room in my house to workout except for the communal areas that we can’t lock the dog out of. I try to do them outside and have the same issue…

I keep thinking that my eating isn’t that bad, and to be honest, the content could be worse, but my calories are still WAY too high. Most days I’m at 1500 calories which is meant to be just under maintenance level for my BMR – BUT the weekends are killing it. My kid is always asking for food, so on top of dinner, I’m constantly in the kitchen picking at things that I don’t even need or want. I’m terrified of being hungry at the moment, as that seems to just lead to a binge too. I don’t want to go on a fad diet either. I’m thinking of trying to stick to whole foods, and cooking from scratch – but then I would need to spend more time in the kitchen, and I’m already short on time. Uuuuuugh – other than locking myself out of the kitchen what do I do???????? I am a relatively smart, well adjusted individual, who has spent the better part of 2 years studying nutrition, food, gut health etc. Why the fuck is food such a problem for me????????????

On top of that, its only 28 days until Christmas.


Weight loss Journey and Musings

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I’m still here. I’m still on the wagon! – I’m not doing the greatest job of it, but I’m still here.

I haven’t gained – I’m just not losing anything either.

I’m running twice a week and doing at least 1 HIIT workout, but it’s no good if I continue to over eat. Which I’m still doing. I don’t think I’m building enough muscle for me to be losing fat/size while still maintaining weight – I’m just not trying hard enough with my food.

In two weeks I’m meant to be 12kg lighter or something. Clearly I failed that one, but I’m not beating myself up over it. Do I set a new deadline, or just focus on being healthy? Maybe I should just set weekly goals? Ugh I don’t know.

I would like to at least be 79.9kg by the 1st December – That’s 2.1kg in 2 weeks. Not exactly un-achievable, but it is a lofty goal.

I’m meant to be having curry tonight… I’ll skip the rice and go for veggies or cauli-rice again. I’m also going to be shifting wheelbarrows of gravel around, and shoveling more dirt – on top of my HIIT workout today… Oh there will be pain tomorrow!

I would just like to not think about food. I would like to be one of those people who have to be reminded to have a lunch break or something. I constantly think about food. What I have to eat, what I plan to eat, when I plan to eat it, what I actually want to eat, what I shouldn’t eat, how many calories in everything, what will I eat when I get home, what will I eat tomorrow, what will I eat on the weekend? It just doesn’t stop.

So yeah… in summary;

Haven’t lost. (Still 82kg)

Aim to lose 2.1kg in 2 weeks.

That is all.



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Yeah I know… 

I have been so freaken busy at work that it is causing actual stress and I don’t get time to update. I’ve been looking for jobs elsewhere to be honest – I love my job on the good days, but lately there have been whispers of change and not the change that I am cool with.

I’ve still been running, and I’ve been doing HIIT workouts once a week (better than nothing hey?)

My food choices haven’t been great but I haven’t binged for a while which is nice. It helps that the husband is making better food decisions too.

I bought a cute little written health journal – it was on sale for $3 so I couldn’t really say no. I record my food on My Fitness Pal (My username is CruskitFairy) and my exercise on DailyMile, but it might be nice to sit in bed at night and physically write, or journal my day?

I’m 81.6kg today – there’s my weigh in lol.

Happy Halloween!

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So this week the weather has been awful. 

We busted our butts digging more holes and pouring concrete, and then the husband changed his mind about the timber sleepers – now we are going to concrete ones.

My Treadmill is pushed aside to fit more stuff in the shed, and my trainer has had her own stuff to deal with so I’ve been a little slack this week. Even our poor dog hasn’t had a walk for 2 days 😦

My food intake has been pretty good to be honest. No binge eating – still a bit too indulgent, but lots more fruit than normal, and veggies too.

I really should weigh in this week…


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Weightloss Journey – Week 12


Things are HECTIC right now!

Our backyard is completely leveled (intentionally) but just dirt. I have a new employee that I am training at work (the reason for the late post). We have kids parties every damn weekend for the foreseeable future. We have a road trip planned for the end of the month too (that will be another late post).

I did boot camp yesterday, my butt hurts.

I don’t know if its due to the weather being up and down, or me being run down lately, but I’ve definitely lost my mojo with running. I just cant get motivated.

Our new employee baked a huge container of sausage rolls and brought them in. It was one of those situations where I couldn’t refuse without looking either rude, or weird. I might have some lo-cal noodles for lunch to even out the calories. Ugh.

I’m feeling really down about my own motivation levels, and that I keep sabotaging myself. I don’t understand why. I know that junk food doesn’t make me feel good, but I still eat it – and its like I turn off all common sense and just eat. Sometimes I just can’t stop myself. Like I actually can’t. Don’t give me that shit of “make a conscious decision before you get the food” etc. It’s beyond that. I might go through and remove any/all confectionery from my home because I’ll eat it even if I’m not really craving it. I just like the taste, and the ball starts rolling.

I’m super run down, I was sick a couple of weeks ago, and since then I’ve constantly had minor infections, hay fever symptoms, muscle weakness, soreness, and stiffness, fatigue, and just general annoying niggles. My food during the week is super healthy (but over indulgent/too much) I’m getting plenty of greens and veggies, fiber, protein, etc. Maybe it’s simply the eating too much and/or the bad weekend choices that are doing it… eh I dunno.


Friday Weigh in – Week#11?

Photo by Seth Macey on Unsplash

I think its week 11?

Seriously. 11 Weeks and I have managed to lose 3kg… that’s a terrible effort.

I’m going away this weekend and hoping to not have any opportunity to binge. Why does my willpower just disappear? Why do I allow myself to give in? I don’t want to be overweight through another summer.

Weigh in time…

Starting Weight: 85kg – 187lbs

Current Weight: 81.9kg – 180.18lbs

Total Loss: 3.1kg – 6.82lbs

Total Remaining: 13.9kg – 30.58lbs

Time Left until 1st December: 8 Weeks… shit.


Photo by Seth Macey on Unsplash

I don’t wanna weigh!


Yes I am singing that to the Dawson’s Creek theme song. Don’t Judge me.

Seriously though… I don’t want to weigh in tomorrow. I know it will be way up.

I have a wedding to go to in 3 weeks. I don’t want to go. I did buy a new dress for it and it does fit me, but uuuuuuuuuuuugh. I just wish I didn’t like food so damn much.